There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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