You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Damn victory sex feels great
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
