How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can text with my tongue
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
