even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
