I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
