I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize