That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
