he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
