Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
