3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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