I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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