Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
