ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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