Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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