He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Never underestimate the power of titties
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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