I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
