i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
