her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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