the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
