A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
