Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
