Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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