you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
