I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
