Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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