he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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