can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
