This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
