I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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