You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
