apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
