"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
