Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
