omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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