I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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