i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
