I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
