yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
