So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
