Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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