I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
