i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
