She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
