Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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