Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
