Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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