You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
