you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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