She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
