I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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