And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
