it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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