I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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