I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
