no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
