I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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