A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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