Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
