I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
