im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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