but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
