I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
