Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
