honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
