the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize