make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
