saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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