She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just google imaged poop.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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