I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When are your genitals available?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
