is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize