He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
