I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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